So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
A bitchslap is in order.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
