Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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