so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
