dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
