I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
