he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
