I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
