Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
