i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
