dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
