he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
