She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
