is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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