got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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