dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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