i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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