Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
