Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
