I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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