I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
