she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
