I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
