Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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