Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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