Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
