The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
