I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
