I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
