): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
