life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
