You can't motorboat a personality
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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