Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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