So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The air was thick with penises
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
