I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
