im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
love makes seman taste better
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
