New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
