NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
