You smell like a Billy Joel song
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I have fence marks all over my body
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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