end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
