Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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