hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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