the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All I want is dick and wine.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
