I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
