thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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