dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
