I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
