He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
