I'm lost and stupid without you.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
