I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
