you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's official drugs can't kill me
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
