I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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