Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
