You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
sarcasm needs its own font
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i've created a new STD.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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