Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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