the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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