okay pat passed out under dana's car
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
