I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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