It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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