sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
