i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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