I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
