Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
