had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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